random venting and mixed emotions...:) :(

Three months back, I had no job, nothing to do except wait for one to come along, listen to my folks gently reminding me everyday what a useless wastrel I was turning into, and sometimes hang out at the cafe with my friends.
Then one day, 10:30am, Lunch and Tea called me back into their company to prepare idlis and dosas for them. Boy, how ecstatic I was. I thought I finally did it. I had achieved the one thing every engineer dreams in these tough times. I got a job! Whats more, my best friend (stick man) got in too! A month later, another best friend gets his call! what more could I want, right?

wrong.I was so totally wrong.
screw the punctuations and grammar now.

i'm not saying i dont like my job. no. i love my job. i have a sweet boss(looks like a cute walrus), who's very encouraging and doesnt even raise his voice if i mess up. my senior colleagues are super kind and helpful, and answer me indulgently every time i go to them with my world famous stupid questions.

but something is so missing.
i dont go to jughead's now. sizzlers dont feel so special now, they have started making me feel nostalgic. hence every time i have a sizzler, the person with me has to bear my incessant ranting on how i enjoyed sizzlers with stick man and orange. and how stick man would eat the chlormints after the meal.how some people can actually finish an entire sizzler themselves, and what not.

shit, i feel like a loser with no life.

theres no stick man. he's become a voice i listen to everyday. and its not just him. even people who live close by, i cant meet them because the day suddenly seems shorter. most times i cancel meeting them, i dont even know why. it seems like too much effort to socialise. its just not like me.

i miss stick man terribly. i miss K for his taunts and his bear hugs and his advice mode. i miss P because now theres no one to pour my heart out to. theres no one here who surprises me with fake but full of love shining diamond rings, letters and smiles on my birthday.

its not that they are dead. believe me, i have so many people here that i can socialise with. but its just not the same. its like when you go shopping to bandra, but if your best friend girl gang aint there, it just aint that much fun.

i hate being so emotional. i hate it. i dont make bookmarks now. i've almost forgotten my dream clothes shop. my restaurant dream aint doing too well either.

its so funny. and its so sad. i finally have a great job, i'm learning so many new things, i'm finally a small cog in the wheel of a giant industrial corporate firm.
but somehow somethings missing. its like the zing's gone or something.
but i must look ahead.
its not like your friends are dead, dumbass, i tell myself.
and remember, you have a stage performance coming up in january, in the mecca of classical dance!
and i earn my own money now.
so things are nice. but sometimes they get sad.
hence i write. now i feel better. atleast i think so.
so, i'll stop being stupid and stop calling people who live outside the state thus saving on my phone expenses.
yes, i said the word "saving". and i just bought two cargo shorts that i dont need at all today.

another thing that i've been mulling over is this-" why do we always want things we never know we'll get? we realise that we're seeing this unattainable dream, we know we're being stupid but we still do it. women fantasise that they'll get married to a superhero hrithik roshan, even though he's happily married with kids.heck, even i hope richard gere will become straight one day. even in real life, i'm dreaming an impossible dream of being with an impossible man."
why are we the way we are? atleast as far as the above thought is concerned?