I've spent a whole five minutes wondering how the hell to start. Dunno if the title is ok. So here goes nothing.
Childhood is very simple. Everyone takes decisions for you. You aren't aware enough to care whether these are good or bad for you, so you accept everything that is given with faith and happiness.
But we can’t afford to be children for too long, you know. Someday, we start wanting things of our own accord. "I want to live alone, I want a car, I don't want people to meddle, I want to travel the world, go to the Himalayas, be Richard Branson and Audrey Hepburn, all at the same time". So we start taking our own decisions.
Some decisions are easy, some are not, but they have to be taken. With freedom and money, responsibility also comes along. But it does so very, very quietly. Most of us don't realise its presence. And when we refuse to do so inspite of knowing, it puts us through hell and high water...
Sometimes our elders refuse to allow us to grow up and be responsible. No father ever wants to lose his daughter and no mother wants to let go of her boy. But these are the very people who do their children more harm than good.
I've been very lucky, because I had the opportunity to grow, I got freedom at the right time, I got hurt, I made friends, I fell down flat, then got up, dusted myself and moved on to learn better. Every experience I've had has contributed to me becoming more responsible, a more complete person. I'm still discovering myself and I've barely scratched the surface, but the journey is simply brilliant. Sometimes it’s exhilarating, sometimes it almost kills me. But I’ve learnt that I must allow myself every experience to become who I am. Who I can be.
Today, I have all the freedom I want. Sometimes it scares me crazy. Totally creeps me out. I am all too aware of the responsibilities that come along with it, and I’m afraid I may not live up to myself, forget others.
I still have trouble picking out a pair of jeans or ordering from the menu when I go out with friends. I barely know what I want, and i DEFINITELY DO NOT KNOW what’s good or bad for me.
Sometimes I wonder, what the hell am I to do with so much freedom? I don’t know what I want! There are some people I’ve met who seem so cocksure about what they want in life, and I feel jealous of them. Really, if we all had all the freedom we wanted, would we know exactly what to do with it? I've even met someone who has all the freedom, but wishes there were something/ someone to hold him back, because he feels his freedom is slowly losing its value.
Growing up. Freedom. What we want and what we don't. All intertwined in one great unending, messy, bittersweet web that we all call LIFE.
PS: tintin is getting to be a really good pal. I’ve found my hero in the department kinda sorta wish i could be a bit more like him:) i've taken over tintin's seat. Full kabza!:) vendetta takes a lot of nonsense from me, poor thing will be bald soon! Feels good to talk to stick man. Have to call calculator man. It’s been a long time. Have to make more bookmarks to avoid expedition and be happy. And I want a big yellow book instead of a gaudy screaming pink book!
