So, for the last three years, I've been building submarines. Damn cool innit? Yes. Damn cool.
In so many ways it still is. But I guess I've been doing the same thing for some time now and feel like a change. I want to sit in a classroom, be naughty, learn. LEARN.
That's what I remember most about college. That knowingly or unknowingly, I was ALWAYS learning. In class I was learning about motors and transmission lines. Outside class, I was discovering myself, my likes and dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses. I was a sponge, aware of everything and just drinking it all in. Not a day passed by in four years when I didn't learn something new.
When I was in college, I looked forward to going to work. I wanted to be a woman of the world. I wanted financial independence. I wanted to take big decisions, change things. I wanted to create, I wanted to destroy. I thought that's what people who work do.
I wasn't entirely wrong, but I was disappointed. I got the opportunity to work and be part of India's second indigenous nuclear submarine. I was proud to be part of that team. I still am. Immensely. But I realize it is not so for everybody. There are people for whom its just a job as any other. People who are too busy blaming each other for delays. No one sits up and says, " OK, we screwed up and the project is delayed. Lets pull our socks up and get going. This is a question of our country's security."
Do they not realize, this is not a regular job? This is different. Here we are building something that will guard us and country's coastline from those who do not care for us. This submarine will be the reason we sleep peacefully at night.
When I look at those people in our team, I wonder whether it is right of me to be so judgmental of them. Someone I respect very much at work once told me, that in time, all jobs become just that. A job. Routine, monotonous, boring. You can't help it. Yes, I can't blame them. After all, did they also not join this department with stars in their eyes? Did they also not feel proud that they were contributing towards the country's needs? Did the system not kill their enthusiasm, slowly, just as it does mine now?
Yes, I've seen bright people, intelligent, people who wanted to make a difference. People who saw beyond trivialities and realized this job was different. People, who got crushed by the system and eventually left. I'm not just talking about the people at my workplace. I know a naval commander and a lieutenant commander I met only once. I barely knew them. But in that brief encounter, I sensed their helplessness. They wanted to do so much, and they tried so hard, and the system beat them every single time. Both men retired from the forces early. I know bright young engineers who joined my department, and wrote programs and implemented systems and processes which are indispensable today. They've all left. No one recognized them, or their effort.
I still find submarines fascinating. I'm really lucky to be in this field. There is so much to do. But I distinctly feel myself growing dull, rusting. I'm not learning. Its becoming like any other job.
I want to go back to college. Learn new things. Arm myself with knowledge, with the ability to change things. I'll come back to submarines, I'm not done with them yet. But I hope college will make me someone who can make a difference. I hope I come back to the submarine industry to be pleasantly surprised. Countries like Pakistan and China seem to have an assembly line for submarine manufacturing. The problem with India is that each of us is too caught up in our own problems. We need to change our perspective, see the bigger picture.
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